Call off the hounds ...

As of yesterday, July 15th EDT, Football World Cup (2014) is over.

That makes it now the middle of July.

Today I grudgingly accepted the grim fact: the last time I spewed forth some mental musings on this Blog was some time ago, BEFORE the World Cup started. A long time before ... like, the end of February.

So that makes it ... (fails at quick math) ... way the hell too long ago! What happened ... were we under attack by commie hordes? No, no ... Was there a viral pandemic? Zombies?

Hmm, no ... Did New Zealand run out of beer, wine and scotch?


Ha ha. Hardly.

Oh, yeah. I know what it was!

I went to a beer fest. In early March.

Sadly (and yes, absurdly) the reason a beer fest stopped me from writing blogs isn't exciting, thrilling, or highly mockable (well, maybe that last one ...).

Here's the rumpus.

I didn't succumb to alcohol poisoning. There was no tragic (or humorous) fall from a great height (nay, not even greater than 5'19" off the ground!) I wasn't stung by a bazillion bees. A sheep did not trample me, nor did a clutch of angry chickens peck me nearly to death. My cats (Dex and Squeak) continue to be nice to me too.

I went charging out to said beer fest – an outdoor one in the fantastic Martinborough area just one hour outside Welly – in the warm summer sun (remember my northern hemisphere homies: seasons are reversed down here! So while February means the darkest, dimmest, snowiest, coldest, cabin-fever-est times for my compadrés north of the 49th ... it's the peak of summer fun here!)

This was clearly a good reason to be outside, in the sun, drinking
fantastic New Zealand craft beer. Even though I got mortally wounded.

I was feeling jaunty – confident, even! My legs were seemingly strong. And so I decided not to take my usual crutch to lean on, thinking bravely (or was it stupidly? Hmm, yes, maybe ... ) that I'd progressed well enough at that point to go "sans crutch".

And, I knew there'd be plenty of places to sit down at the fest, if walking from beer tent to ale stall started to wear me down.

I was wrong.

I got to near the end of the fest, and started to feel mighty sore in one of my legs ... and, long story slightly less longer, in all my wandering around in quest for beer on an uneven paddock –  I gave myself a large enough blister to cause me to spend a week in hospital.

Yep. I was floored by a blister.

"Feed me, Seymour!"

Hospital visits had been 'thin on the ground' for me, up to that point, so this was a setback. I was sure I wouldn't be back in the tender loving care of the CCDHB any time soon. This was a setback that hit me mentally as much as physically ... and, hospital visits always seem to confuse and derail me from any newfound habits and old established routines (like Blog writing, attending beer fests, sitting outside to feed my wild Kaka parrot pals, and making fruit smoothies in the mornings before work).

So five months later, I'm glad to report that a grip was finally got, on this fine July morning ... and, "Ahhmm Bach", as a famous Terminator once said. (No telling who Mozart was ... )

That's absurd enough right there ... derailed and detoured from a few of my usual routines, by a blister.

But of course there've been loads of crazy shit happening in my orbit, and around the world, in the last five months. You'd think something as absurdly crazy with the likes of Rob Ford venturing off to a "rehab" spa (which apparently served poutine, doughnuts and ice cream, and, allowed him to come and go as he pleased) would have perked me up to deploy mockery via this e-plinth.

Nay, not even the much anticipated annual trouncing of the Toronto Maple Leafs out of the NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs (they didn't even qualify) roused me from my self-imposed sabbatical. (Although much time was spent privately mocking, taunting, and jeering at my Leafs-fan friends in and around the woe-begotten Toronto area).

A familiar annual scene, just prior to this woeful team
hitting the golf course ...
and most of the OTHER teams advancing
to the quest for Lord Stanley's Cup!

The Winter Olympics went by, with much fodder for pointing a satiric finger at (Russian midget badass Vlad Putin was up to his usual shenanigans, and not one Leafs player made the Canadian hockey team that ultimately won the Gold Medal ... and, the two Leafs who made the American team fizzled and sputtered like the soaking wet, limp road flares they are).

Indeed, it was tempting times! There was mockery afoot ... However – I was having a good bit of fun being lazy, and particularly, enjoying the Bloggish meanderings of Don over at Brew-Ha-Ha, as he upped his ante and began churning out one excellent screed after the next, in rapid fashion. (Hey, Brew-Ha-Ha is all about drinking beer and having fun, then writing about it ... and the merry antics that would inevitably ensue in Don's orbit, as each beer drinking session was, as always, mega-fun).

As well, over in Oshawa, Glenn was offering up some fantastic musings with his new Blog, IPA Tales. In the interim, when there was a short breathing space between these two talented dudes blasting out their own brands of mirth and merriment, the online chatting with Don, Glenn and Cat kept me grinning, too.

A magic moment at Donny's Bar and Grill "Skype Party" - L–R, it's
Cat, Don, Glenn, and then tiny-Me in the lower right corner there.
Many, many beers were consumed ... and many more laughs were had.

As did one particularly hilarious live, real-time, in the e-flesh, it's-happening-right-now (sorry Glenn!) Skype session with the three of them (firmly ensconced on the patio at Donny's Bar and Grill) swilling myriad high-octane IPAs in the (finally!!) warm summer sun.

(I say "finally" as it had been one hella-long, cruel winter for the faithful there. The snow finally melted enough to find the patio furniture, and so Don hosted the swill-up and BBQ ... a daytime alcoholic [and merciless] assault on the brain cells for all concerned).

I joined, in e-spirit, with many drinks to match their fierce and rapid intake, from my stylish perch atop the Valley known as Aro here in Wellington – staring into the computer camera at this merry trio, and laughing like the inebriated loon I am. Or, was. OK, is. Usually.

This was a much safer activity than wandering around on wobbly legs through a large, uneven cow paddock at a beer fest, without a crutch. I sustained no blisters on this day, safely ensconced in my comfy computer chair. And from aftermath reports, it seems I fared far better than some of the participants in Burlington! Not having a car, I received NO tickets on this day, either. (Sorry again, Glenn!) Nor did I have to call in the CDC to detox my bathroom (is that a safe zone yet, Don?)

So! This morning I woke up and decided "Today's the day!" It was time to get back into this Blogging saddle. (Mind the spurs!)

What finally lit the proverbial fire under my ass, you're asking?

The stylish, suave, and psychotically insane serial killer
Hannibal Lector, is played by the equally stylish and cryptic
Dutch actor Mads Mikkelsen. You never know what
"Hannibal the Cannibal" might feed his dinner guests!

Not sure. Yesterday, I had just marathon-watched the two full existing (so far) seasons of a gore-fest of a show, Hannibal – a really stylish, well-filmed and crafted gore-fest, with a great cast, and loads of 'easter eggs' throughout the episodes ...

... teasing little hints harkening back to the two movies from whence this show begat (Silence of the Lambs, and Hannibal. And maybe the third movie, Hannibal Rising, which I haven't seen).

The show features some great Canadian actors too, like Brampton's Scott Thompson (ex-Kids In The Hall), Montreal's Caroline Dhavernas, and also from Brampton, Lara Jean Chorostecki ... but the show does NOT include Kate Upton, Megan Fox, Kate Beckinsale, Jennifer Connolly, Emma Watson, Emma Stone, Scarlett Johannson, Olivia Wilde, or even Mila Kunis. I'm told many people get confused about these actresses being in this show. They're not. So, I'm glad to be able to clear this up all at once!

Just to avoid confusion – these folks ARE in the show, Hannibal.

Perhaps immersing myself in this blast of crafty creativity knocked me back on track (re-railed me?)

Who knows? Maybe it was seeing the end of the World Cup, and realising: "Holy shit, half a year's gone by! Time to saddle up again, dude!"

All I know is, it feels good to be doing this again.

Oh and, just to be 100% absolutely crystal clear, this photo to the right -----> is a cast photo of the Canadians who DO appear in Hannibal.

The photo below depicts many excellent actresses ... but like the ones mentioned a few graphs above, they, too, do not appear in Hannibal.

Nope! None of these fine and talented actresses appear in Hannibal at all! Glad I could clear that up!

Now let's see ... what else has been going on in the world of the absurd, loopy, and downright certifiably nutty?

I'll be back soon to let y'all know!

Until then, I'll still be ...